I imagine I have a perfect dad,
Perfect in sense of loving, understanding, be there when I need his advise for problems I encounter in life,
How to solve problems and make a good decisions to move forward,
I imagine to do lots of things together with him,
By accepting me being a girl and not wishing that I am a son….
I woke up from this dream, this imagination,
That I will never have that perfect dad that I wish for,
I only have one dad with all his imperfections and weaknesses,
His temper, his harsh words, his stubborness, thinking he is always right in every way of doing things,
My childhood happy memories with him is dim,
My teenage memories with him difficult to track in my brain,
My adulthood trying to accept him for who he is, was a struggle,
And he never became my role model…
While taking care of him on the hospital bed, I reflects on a lot of things,
Without notice some of his traits was in me,
He never been my role model but why I am so passionate working in the jungle?
Those dim childhood memories maybe stuck somewhere in my brain but unconciously it became a path that I follow,
Those years he spend with me, he might share all his jungle stories while working at a logging camp upper Rejang river,
He is a fighter, strong-willed and never give up easily and I witness it in 2016 when he recover well from his burrhole surgery on his head.. he fight till lasts..
Knowing this, I realize that I am a fighter too, I am stubbornhead, not giving up easily… indeed he gave me example of fighting for life..
In his imperfections, he is my perfect dad. God never make mistakes on why I born into Ragai family and chose Ragai as my worldly father.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” (Jer 1:5)
Thank you Lord for the gift of my father. I love you dad for who you are. I miss those time we share our stories of your life at the logging camps. I pray hard that God will heal you spiritually, emotionally, physically and have a peace of heart and mind.
Blessed Divine Mercy Sunday!