Life in Spirit Seminar, Personal

LSS – The Baptism of the Holy Spirit

13 JULY 2014, 11:10
On the next day, i recieved a counselling from the prayer minister. Sis Yvonne and Sis B call me, for they want to have a talk with me after our group photo session. It is just before our baptism of the holy spirit session. They asked me few questions regarding my experienced during the healing but I answered thier questions terribly. I keep saying “I don’t know”. “What are you scared of?”. I said, “I don’t know”. Sis B said, “That darkness you saw is symbolize the other dark forces which is still in you. You can not worship two gods at the same time. We can not force u to choose Jesus either. The ultimate decision must come from you. Whether you want to let go that and choose Jesus or you want to live with it”. For me she sounds like threatening me because after that she continue saying, “If, you decide not to let go, then don’t go for the next session, the baptism of the Holy Spirit. You stay down here and don’t go to the hall”. I hate her for saying that. There come my pride. Inside me i was thinking, “It is nothing. It do no harm for me if i am not participate in the next session”. But deep down in my heart, “I want to be healed. I want to follow Jesus”. Somehow, my brain keep working, fighting to say i do the right thing. I feel very disturbed with the chaos in my brain and what my heart really want. Sis Yvonne asked me if i ever attend any Deliverance? I never attend any deliverance before.  Just before we end our conversation, they tell me this, “We know you are strong enough to make the decision. If not, you will not be here today. Its half way already. Fight till the end. We are here to support you”.

During the talk about the baptism of the holy spirit, i was crying and crying because i still not sure what to do. My heart was touched by what the speaker said. Apart from that, actually i still have the fear from the night inside me. Finally, i make up my mind and join the baptism of the holy spirit session. The prayer ministry pray over me about four times. The first time, i was so stubborn. I didn’t feel anything except that feeling of don’t recieve it. So nothing happen to me. They came again for the second time. This time, I fight with my mind and follow what my heart says. I burst out in tears. I keep fighting inside, until i sweating all over my head. Slowly, i recieved the Holy Spirit and the fear gone and it is replaced with peace. I cry and cry for joy is within me.

After the session Sis Yvonne approach me. She asked me if i want to go for Confession. Straight away i said, I want to go for Confession. Praise be to God with guidance of the holy spirit i made a very meaningful confession i ever had.

Personal

Life in the Spirit Seminar – The Healing

12 JULY 2014, 11:41
On the second day of the Life in the Spirit Seminar, there is a healing session. I was preparing myself that I was hoping I will get healed from whatever that binds me from getting closer to God. I want to be freed.

During the healing session, it is about time to forgive your mother. In my mind i already have so many things that my mum did to me since I am a child. But i always surrender this in any healing session before and i thought i already forgive my mum totally and i am healed. I remain sitting but then Bro. Jon keep inviting us to stand. Actually, I am afraid because i already cried so much during the forgiving dad session.

Somehow, I have this courage to stand, so I stand up. As i stand i cried and the prayer ministry team came to me, to pray over me. I start to struggle. I feel a very strong fear. The team surround me and there is something in me that wants me to push myself away from them. Suddenly, everything became very dark and I can not see anything. Never i seen darkness like that as if i am blinded. Then i feel that time i was a kid about 6 or 7 years old. I am so scared in that darkness until I fell down on the floor and searching my way out from that darkness. While I am searching, I called out to my mum. I start to shivering because I am in such a fear. The prayer minister called my name asking me to open my eyes. They keep asking me to open my eyes and keep telling me that there is a light and that light is Jesus. Slowly, I open my eyes and i see the light in front and the cross on the screen from projector. I start to feel safe while I was actually holding in the arms one of the prayer minister. They asked me to call for Jesus and keep calling His name. I did and slowly my fear goes away and my body stop shivering.

But i don’t understand. May Jesus send the Holy Spirit to interprete this to me tomorrow. In Jesus name i pray. Amen.

Diary, Personal

It’s Lenten Season!

Lent…. What is the meaning of this Lent to me? I am quite blank now…. Jesus, i am not really into this. So many things happen, fast and i am left behind. Lent season started with the ASH WEDNESDAY. As i attended the mass last week, i did not feel so much of His presence. There is something blocking my way to be with Him. Something is not right with me. Every night i carry something very heavy over my shoulder but i refused to pray for it. I just ignoring my daily prayer.

The first Sunday of Lent… My mind was wandering somewhere and I was fall asleep while Father Jimsi do his Homily. After Homily, suddenly i am refreshed and i didn’t sleepy anymore. I told my friend “something is not right with me”… Something that i did wrong and disobey my beloved Jesus. I know but still i refused to pray to Him. Aiyah…

Jesus, i don’t know. I ask for your guidance. Never leave me alone in this situation and i believed You will not left me. No matter how difficult is the temptation during this Lent for me, i am still holding on You. Be by my side, walk with me as i really really wanted to be with You always. Even this human flesh always drag me into sinful things, bring me back to You. I Love You Jesus. Amen.